Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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