she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This house was built for laser tag.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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