we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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