I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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