i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
