U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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