Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
