you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
