Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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