I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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