just come out here and I will go home with you...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
