Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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