you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
