i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
