its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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