You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
