This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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