Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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