I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
