I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
