Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Are we still banned from the library?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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