I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
