He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
