evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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