capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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