pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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