i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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