Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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