what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
