The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
