my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
