If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize