We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
