That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We named our party play list daddy issues
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
