I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
