I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
