were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
