I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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