thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
