Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
