yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
