Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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