everyone is single if you try hard enough
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
be right there i have to get my cape
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
