I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
