there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
