If i come over, it means nothing
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
