she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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