You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
