Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize