suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
