I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
