Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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