my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
