That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
