How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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