I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
