you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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