he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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