Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize