he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
