yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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