Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
