Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize