there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
