she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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