The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My cat gives me a boner
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
