Can Purell be used as lube?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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