he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
