Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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