So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
