im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
