The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize