That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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