ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
