I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize